I'll Write You Every Day
by Amerihawk
Summary: Clint is away on a top-secret mission and can't talk to his boyfriend until he returns. They learn that they can communicate via letter-writing but have to keep it anonymous. This is how Clint and Steve survive their time apart. If they can.
1. I Miss You

Chapter 1- I Miss You

 _S,_

 _I'm officially here! Took me long enough I guess, huh? F always has me in the stupidest places on assignment. Sorry about the initialling, can't say too much in case this is intercepted or anything. When N suggested letter-writing to keep in contact with you, I overestimated how easy it would be. It's hard to find something to write in a letter to the love of your life when you know you're going to be away from him for who even knows how long._

 _How are you? How is everybody? I miss you like crazy, you know. I've been away for two days and it feels like forever. God, I'm already out of the loop back at S.T aren't I? I bet T has already done something problematic. I bet B hasn't been out of his lab since I left. As for Th, is he back yet? Or is he still visiting his family? Ugh, I hate all of this coded shit. Sorry for the language. I know you don't like it very much. Apart from…well, you know._

 _I don't really know what else to say, nothing has really happened yet. Listen, I know that you're still scared about everything we discussed before I left and I want to assure you again that we're solid. As long as you want us to work, we'll work. I know this isn't going to be easy since we can't call or Skype each other at all until I'm back, but I know that we can get through this, S. N says we can and I agree. Let me know how things progress with N and S.W. If nobody tells me when it happens, I'll be furious. I've been rooting for that since day one._

 _Make sure you give F a good kick to the crotch for sending me out here. He couldn't have sent anyone else? Not to sound ungrateful, but I'm sure that S.L would have done a much better job at this. He's better at the_ _ **smaller**_ _things. I hope that made sense. I'm sure it did, you're smart enough to understand initials._

 _I miss you. Again. I'll say that as many times as I need to until I'm home again. This is going to be the worst time of my life and I hope you know that I love you so much. So much. I bet all of this just sounds really corny and melodramatic but I know you understand. Obviously, you miss me too, I'm a catch. ;)_

 _I'll eagerly await your reply._

 _I love you._

 _C_

* * *

 **C,**

 **I'm glad you had a safe journey, even though I'm still bitter that you had to leave. Don't worry, I've been on F's case every day since he gave you the instructions. He's not even speaking to me anymore. I guess that's a good plan, you've always been smart with these things. You're lucky that N understood that you were purposely omitting details; I would not have got that. And yes, she is reading these letters before I do because she's slightly paranoid and, you know what, it's also a good idea. After growing up in an age without emails and cell phones, letter writing is surprisingly simplistic. Yeah, I'm a fossil, you've told me plenty of times. But I get what you mean, I have so many things that I want to say to you, but none of them seem to be appropriate. And no, not in the way you're thinking.**

 **Everybody's good. T has been surprisingly good, actually. I think he secretly misses you, even though he would never say anything about that. B hasn't left his lab, you're definitely right about that. J sent him some food through delivery services but I don't even know if the man is alive in there. N is okay, even if your departure is hitting her harder than we thought. Come back soon, yeah? She keeps making us watching movies in Russian without subtitles. Th is still gone, but we're not sure when he'll be back. Hope it's soon though, I miss having the big guy around. I can excuse the language because I love and miss you.**

 **I know, I know, we're solid. I'm being dramatic, as usual. I have been told by a good few people that I have a flair for the dramatics. Hey, I lived through the twenties, you can't blame me for that. See, I'm even getting good at using contractions and not using the full word. I have every belief that we can make it through this. People have made it through worse than this. We just have to keep positive, then. You'll be back as soon as we know it. Right? I'm not exactly too sure what you're off doing. F won't tell me anything.**

 **I'll definitely keep you posted about the widow and the birdman, they seem to be going good. He's just about the only one she's speaking to right now. I've gotten a few words in, but your absence is hitting her pretty hard. You'll get regular updates on everyone, I promise.**

 **As much as doing that would be, I'm sure F could literally murder me in my sleep. Who would write you letters if I'm dead? Yep, the little guy probably would have been perfect for whatever job you're doing (not that you aren't brilliant at what you do, I'm just biased because I'm missing you so much). You're making perfect sense, actually. The company are training me to do better with hidden messages as such. This would probably sound really sketchy so just pray nobody finds this. Actually, speaking of, I don't even know where this is even going. N says she'll handle it and I don't think I even want to know what that means.**

 **Anyway, there's not much left to say at this point. I miss you so much. I love you even more. I know this is going to be a tough time for us both, but at least we can talk this way. I'm sorry it has to be like this. You most definitely are a catch, so don't go collecting hearts while you're away. It's mine forever.**

 **I guess we'll talk whenever you can.**

 **I love you too,**

 **S**


	2. Developments

Chapter 2- Developments

* * *

 _S,_

 _Just as I thought: I'm going crazy missing you. Thank you for writing back so quickly. I bet writing actual letters takes you back to when email wasn't around, huh? N wrote me the other day, so you don't have to keep relaying her messages for her. F warned her not to but when has she ever played by the rules? I'm sorry if she punched you in the arm for that._

 _I miss everyone more than I thought I would. Not to say that I don't care about them, I just thought it'd be easier to be away from them. Especially Th, considering he's always travelling. N says that S.L moved in? That's probably for the best; I'm guessing it's probably quiet around there without me? ;)_

 _Everything's almost all set up for what F wanted me to do. Still can't say anything, sorry babe. Maybe if you wear him down enough, he'll tell you? Maybe get N or T to annoy him so much that he tells you just so you'll stop annoying him. I got word from SH yesterday and I'm not sure how long they want me here for. Ugh, it sucks that I can't tell you where 'here' is and you have to go through M.H to send these. I'd much rather have you know where I am so you can take a Quinjet and come and rescue me. It sucks being out here, though I guess someone has to do it. F promised me one hell of a holiday when I get back. I swear, the second I'm back, we're going away somewhere for a month. Get T to recommend somewhere and we'll hide away until we feel like coming back. Somewhere warm though, yeah? The only thing I_ can _tell you about my location is that I'm cold like all the time. Maybe you could make a puzzle out of it…try to figure out where I am based on my clues? Like a game to tide us over. I know that sounds lame, but we have to have some fun while we're apart, right? Oh, I suppose then you'd try to find me and F would FLIP. If that's one of your goals in life, then by all means come and find me. God knows I need a hug from you right now._

 _I feel bad that there isn't much to report just yet. Oh! I have a dog. I named him after you and he has a little collar with a tag of the U.S flag on it. It's just a little something I did to remind me of you. Not that you're on the same level as a dog, mind. I just mean that you're cute and lovable and just as talented with a Frisbee. ;) I bought some C.A merchandise as well this morning. Some pyjamas, underwear, socks that sort of thing. To be honest, if they came out with a C.A sex toy, I'd buy that too. ;) I hope you know what these faces are. I don't suppose you had them back_ then _. If you're confused, show them to S.W or maybe S.L. N would laugh you out of the room and T would hold it over us until the end of time._

 _I don't really know what else to say._

 _I miss you, but I've said that already._

 _I love you, S._

 _I hope there's some fun stuff going on over there. I can't wait to hear all about it._

 _C x_

* * *

 **C,**

 **You know I've always enjoyed letter writing. Of course I'm going to write back quickly. It's you, I would do anything for you. Email is overrated. I have to be very careful not to let T or B hear me say that. They'd flay me alive if they heard me trash talking the inter web. Not to mention J and how offended he would be. He's useful, sure, but things were so much simpler. Ugh, I just know you're going to make a joke about my age. Son of a bitch.**

 **N told me about that. She's still reading these, just to check I didn't slip up anywhere. You should be careful, too, C. One accidental name drop changes everything. This is dangerous. Side note: She** _ **did**_ **punch me in the arm. Thanks a lot for that. She almost used her stun guns on me.**

 **We miss you too. I wanted to make you a video collage of everyone's messages, but M.H thinks that's a bad idea. I say she's too far up her own ass to consider that I miss you like crazy. S.L is causing nothing but trouble as we said he would. Nothing too extravagant, just tampering with some of T's equipment. He's such a little pest. Wish there was a fly swatter big enough to squash him sometimes! No, he's cool. We have fun.**

 **I went up to your floor yesterday. It feels cold, like it always does when you leave. I think even the building knows you're going to be away for a while. It sounds pathetic, honestly, but I slept up there, in your bed. I sprayed myself with your cologne and wore that big jumper you left behind. I like to think that you left that just for me. ;)**

 **Yes, I know what the wink faces are! T took me through a crash course in modern day text shortcuts and I think I'm up to speed. Lol. Does anyone even say that anymore? N doesn't think so but apparently P.P still uses it sometimes.**

 **I hate that this is all so trivial, but there isn't much we can talk about through letters, is there? I still can't believe I'm not going to see you for a while. It's only been just over a week and I can't handle much more. Not quite seventy years, but it feels like that sometimes. We can do this, though. We can survive and see each other at the end of the rainbow. Wow, that was lame.**

 **That's so cute that you have a dog! I think I'd like a dog. Let's get one when you get back! Make sure you look after him, C. He deserves the best. Speaking of reminding us of each other, I was practising in your arena the other day. I'm awful. Th and N were laughing at me! I barely even made it work. I'll still to "The Ultimate Frisbee" as B calls it nowadays.**

 **C, that's just embarrassing! Underwear? Not that I had a horrible time picturing you in your underwear… ;) Let's just say I had a** _ **great**_ **time. Though N saw right through my excuse and did nothing but smirk at me the entire time afterwards. If she wasn't her, I would make her move out, I swear. A C.A sex toy? Too far, man! That's just weird.**

 **Not much is going on over here. The H.Q have a new team of recruits. They're pretty cool, I like them a lot. If anything exciting happens, I'll fill you in, don't worry about that!**

 **I miss you and love you so much it hurts.**

 **Counting the unknown number of days until you're back!**

 **S x**


	3. Radio Silence

Chapter 3- Radio Silence

* * *

 **C,**

 **I'm worried.**

 **You haven't written back in almost three weeks now.**

 **I wanted to write sooner, but I thought I would wait for your reply.**

 **I don't know what's going on, if there's some reason why you can't write back, but I'm panicking. You know how paranoid I get. You're the same way.**

 **Nobody's heard from you and I'm scared. Please contact anyone, even if it isn't me.**

 **Please.**

 **Anything will do.**

 **I love you.**

 **S x**

* * *

 **C,**

 **Seriously, I'm worried now.**

 **It's been six weeks.**

 **Please.**

 **S x**

* * *

 _S,_

 _Don't have much time, but you need to stop writing until I contact you._

 _It's not safe. Don't worry. I'm fine._

 _I'll write soon._

 _I love you._

 _C x_


	4. The Clear

Chapter 4- The Clear

* * *

 _S,_

 _It's finally safe for me to write._

 _First of all, I'm incredibly sorry for everything I must have put you through with my silences. You must have been so worried. I can't imagine the panic you must have felt. I know I'll get a blast for N about my absence via these letters, so I guess I have that to look forward to in a couple of days._

 _I can't tell you much about why I couldn't write or why you had to stop, but it was pretty bad. Long story short, some bad people were watching me for a while. It got to the point where they made contact. I had to make my way out of a very sticky situation. I barely made it out, truth be told. I'm rather ashamed at my survival skills of late. My endurance is second to none, but my hand to hand combat could be a lot better. I didn't have my bow… I'm not sure whether you're even still willing to read these letters after what I put you through. I really hope you are, though. I don't know what to do without you. I don't know how to be without you. Even writing this letter and knowing you're going to be holding it in your hands is making me feel better about this entire situation._

 _As for me, I'm okay. Just taking some time out to rest up and get back to it. I swear I've been here for months now. It's been just under two months and it feels like ten. Every minute away from you is killing me, especially not knowing if you're going to reply once I send this. I hope you can forgive me. This stupid assignment is the worst thing, I'm going to write to F to see if I can't get switched out. I reckon N would enjoy the next part._

 _I'm not sure how much longer this is going to take. It's been harder than I figured it would be when F presented it to me. The time away from you is the most difficult thing to cope with, though. I know that the whole group are there to make sure you don't get yourself into trouble, but I just wish I could be there with you._

 _I don't really know what else to say except for 'I love you' and 'I hope you'll write me back'._

 _Well, I do love you and I do hope, more than anything, that you'll write me back._

 _Please._

 _C xx_

 **C,**

 **I'm going to start by saying how good it is to hear from you. I was going crazy not knowing if you were okay. I'm so glad you're safe, everyone else is too. I almost punched F straight in the jaw for even sending you wherever it is that you are when I thought that you...well...never mind. You're okay! That's all that matters.**

 **As for me not writing you back, you must out of your mind to think that I would ever not want you in my life. I love you so much and these letters mean everything to me while you're away. I'll always be here for you, C, and I'll always love you and want to be with you. Don't you ever think for a second that that's going to change.**

 **I still miss you like crazy. I think about you all the time, wondering if you're out there hurting or if you're actually okay. Getting your last letter made me so happy. I almost broke into F's secure data files and stole your location just so I could go and see if you were okay. By that, I mean I almost convinced N to go and do it for me. I don't have the first idea about how that would even happen or what secure data files actually are. I'm learning, though. T and B are teaching me the basics, but everything is so advanced that it's like learning a new language. Speaking of, N tried to teach me, but it turns out I have no patience for Russian. My brain doesn't seem to be wired for new languages.**

 **Not much has gone on around here, actually. WW made an appearance the other day and we thought he was going to ask to join up again, but it turns out that he was just trying to court P.P. It worked, of course. P is like heads over heels in love with him and was just waiting for W to realise it. It's actually pretty cute.**

 **I guess I'm just really glad that you're okay and I can't wait for you to come home. I've been hounding F and MH about when exactly that might be, but they seem to love keeping things from me. I got absolutely nothing from them and I was asking for two straight hours. You'd think they'd be okay with telling me confidentially where the love of my life is currently situated.**

 **I'll be waiting until your next letter.**

 **I love you so much.**

 **Please try and stay safe.**

 **S xx**

 **PS: Birdman says hi!**


	5. Another Complication

Chapter 5- Another Complication

* * *

 _S,_

 _I got a letter from N today._

 _Which means I know about the very thing you've been missing from your letters._

 _Now, before you start harassing N for telling me, she assumed that I already knew. She thought that we were close enough to share that kind of information. And , if I'm honest, so did I. I didn't think you'd actually keep that from me._

 _So the only way we're going to sort this out to talk about it. Well, write about it, I guess._

 _I'm not really too sure why you decided not to tell me that W.S was back in your life, but I guess I trust your judgement. I just wish you felt like you could have been honest with me about this. Reading this back, I sound mad._

 _I'm not mad, S. I promise, I'm not. You can't tell through my writing, but I'm okay. I just want to know how things are going. You don't have to tell me, so don't feel obligated to. Just...if you want to, you can open up. I know you've mentioned some things in passing before, but nothing too detailed. And now that it's actually a reality, I guess I just want to know how you're feeling about the whole thing. It must be a shock._

 _I don't think there's anything else to say, not until you reply._

 _I'll always love you, S._

 _C x_

 **C,**

 **I'm sorry.**

 **I lied to you by omission and that's the same as lying.**

 **There's no excuse for that, but there is a reason. It doesn't absolve me of the blame here, but I hope it gives you some peace of mind.**

 **I found out that he was coming to New York a couple of days after you left. I didn't want to start off our being apart with this big drama. I didn't want you to leave feeling anything bad about our relationship. I want to make it clear now that there is absolutely nothing going on between W.S and me. We're starting to repair our friendship but that's all there is to it. He knows we're together, C. He's more focused on himself and getting himself to who he once was to focus on anything else. Even if there were feelings there on his part, they wouldn't be reciprocated. He's my best friend and the only thing I have of my old life.**

 **But that doesn't change how I feel about you and it never will. I feel the same as when he wasn't around. I love you and I will never stop loving you as long as I live. I know that's cliché and all, but clichés exist for a reason.**

 **I actually feel pretty conflicted about him being back. Part of me is getting all of these nostalgic memories and the other is…wary, I guess you could say. For the moment he's unpredictable, there'll be good days and bad days and nobody can really tell which is which until he reacts to something. It's not exactly a good thing having somebody so volatile around The Big Guy.**

 **I guess…there's nothing I can ask of you apart from that you trust me. You're the only one I'm ever going to want, C. I mean it when I say that.**


	6. Tougher Than This

Chapter 6- Tougher Than This

* * *

 _S,_

 _I think I want to come home._

 _Before you say it, it's not because of our last letters to each other._

 _I know what I'm doing it important, but it's getting steadily more dangerous each day I spend here and I don't know what the endgame is. It was okay when I used to dangerous shit for F because I didn't have anything to lose. But now if I die out here, I won't be coming home to you. And that thought hurts more than anything. I don't know what to do._

 _I might just bow out, get a replacement. I can debrief with what I've gathered, but I don't even know if F will let me leave. I haven't spoken to another human being in weeks now. I'm lonely out here and, like I said before, usually that would've been fine but this is different now._

 _Not to get you in the thick of the shit, but I don't suppose you could posit the question to F about me getting swapped out with somebody more willing to be isolated from their loved ones? If he says no, don't worry about it, but it can't hurt to ask, right? I don't really know. What do you think I should do? Do I just stay out here for as long as they need me to? I've done longer missions before, but this isn't the same._

 _Shit, I have to go. Sorry, I need to move._

 _Love you so much,_

 _C x_

 _PS: How's WS doing?_

* * *

 **C,**

 **I don't know what to say.**

 **I mean, of course I want you to come home, I don't think I've wanted anything more in my entire life, but I don't know if you can even do that, abandon a mission and swap with somebody else. You would have to brief them really well about everything you've learned and only you really know the nuances of the job. I don't know which side I'm trying to convince here, but all I know is that I'm still counting down the unknown number of days until you're home.**

 **I forgot to tell you that I know exactly what the mission is. I hounded MH about it last week and she finally told me what you're doing. Now I know how tough it must be for you. Maybe you should stick it out, it really hurts me to say that but it's important that someone do the job. And if I was going to put anyone in charge of my wellbeing and safety, it would definitely be you, no questions asked. You're helping people, C, and that's why we do what we do. We have skills that we can use at our disposal to help people and save some lives. What kind of people would we be if we prevented that for our own needs.**

 **W.S is fine, it's taking some time but we're starting to get him integrated into a semi-normal life. He's resisting everything that B.B can throw at him and T.S is paying for his arm to get fixed. It's still pretty weird having him back. We were talking and he's excited to meet you. Depending on how lucid he is when you get back, he might give you a big brother speech of sorts, but I wouldn't listen to him. He's very protective of me right now, but it'll pass. His memories are mostly just my memories at the moment, but when he gets his back, he'll become more independent and give us a little more space. He's thinking of getting a place in the city somewhere, but T.S and N want him close by so that they can keep an eye on him until he's proven himself not to be a threat to society. Ha.**

 **Enough about that, I want to know how you're doing. Are you physically healthy? Would you tell me if you weren't? Probably not, I know you too well. Just…look after yourself, okay?**

 **I'll talk to F about a replacement, but I'm not sure how he's going to take it. I believe in you, I know that you…that** _ **we**_ **can stick this out. It's been hard, but it'll be so worth it when you come home and we can be together again. Believe me, it'll be** _ **so**_ **worth it. I've been saving myself for your first night back. I hope you're ready, baby. I know I am. ;)**

 **Love you more and more with each passing day,**

 **S xx**


	7. The Decision

Chapter 7- The Decision

 _S,_

 _I'm sure that you know by now, but I talked to F and he's not letting me come home. I used my best persuasive arguments. What am I saying, of course you've already read it three times and checked for spelling and grammatical errors. I don't know what else I could have said to try and convince him. His reply was short and to the point and you probably read that too so I'll just move on._

 _There are times here where I could've really used a partner on this mission. Sometimes I get conflicted about what I'm supposed to do, but if I had somebody to help me make the hard decisions, I could be done a lot quicker. I'm not saying appeal to F about letting you come out and help me, but it's just an opinion. And to be clear, this is_ _not_ _me saying that you should absolutely do it, nope. I'm just throwing several potential solutions out into the world just for good measure. I don't intend any of them to actually pan out, I'm just thinking about it out loud. Or, well, on paper. You know what I mean._

 _There have been some signs of the mission coming to an end, but I'm not sure how long exactly it's going to take. I'm making some good progress, but I don't know how long the next phase is going to take._

 _What have you been doing, anyway? I feel like we always just talk about me or W.S. You must have been doing things, I know how restless you get when there's nothing going on._

 _Nothing much to report here._

 _Love you always_

 _C xx_

 **C,**

 **I was one step ahead of you ;)**

 **Keep an eye on your outpost.**

 **All I can say for now.**

 **Love you forever,**

 **S xx**


End file.
